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How to Avoid Being Found by an Ex

It used to be that an obsessive ex would simply call randomly and wait outside your house or place of work - you could just get a restraining order and you were clear. Well the good old days are gone, because now stalking is so easy, risk-free and commonplace that society accepts it and encourages it. Online stalking is a nightly pastime, so how do you avoid the voyeurs? You could run away and hide in places that require beards and burqas, or bundling up against the cold. But maybe there's a way to stay put and still keep those old exes from tracking you down. Try some of the ideas below!

1. Legally Change Your Name

If an ex is looking for you online they're going to search for your name, so simply change the name and the problem is solved. Obsessive people don't quit very easily, so it isn't enough to change a last name - they'll think you just got married and will devolve into crazy jealousy. And just changing the first name won't work - they'll convince themselves that you must be related to the person they're looking for somehow. By changing both names, you make a clean break of the trail leading up to you. Your current address won't be up to date, and they'll be staring into the window of a house that you don't even live in! Too bad for the people living in there, though.

2. Get an Info-ectomy

It's difficult to get something off the internet once it's there, but it can't hurt to try. By taking your phone number and email address off of easily accessible places, you can limit what information sites like 411Locate.com can pull up. Get anonymous by not listing so much info
about yourself online, especially not for access to random services, and work those privacy settings. It's just like anything else - use protection if you're going to throw it all over the place.

3. Profiling

Just because social media profiles encourage you to use your real name doesn't mean you have to. Every single one should be different to keep your ex unsure of the identity. You're no longer John Smith, you're Guitar Guy, @stringman, chordfingers4 and Stratneck. The profile pics need to be vague or just not include you - your friends will know it's you, but your ex will pass right by the picture of the guitar with the googly eyes. You should also make sure to remove tags of yourself in photos other people posted, because you have no idea what their privacy settings are.

4. Give them No Regrets

Here's a different way to avoid them - make them stop liking you. Have unflattering pictures facing outward, taken them from low angles instead of high ones to emphasize flab. Wear no makeup, or use flat lighting to make your muscles shrink. But that's just the physical aspect. If your stalker is an emotional creature, make them think twice about keeping up with you by being incredibly boring. This doesn't mean simply not posting - an obsessive ex's imagination will fill the void with all the people you're dating that aren't them. You must post at least once a day,

about nothing:

"Eating a sandwich, yum!"

"Work is so boring. Ugh."

"You ever notice how the tag always sticks up on your t-shirt?"

How much of that can your ex endure before forgetting why they liked you in the first place?

5. Send them on a Wild Dog Chase

This last one is crazy, but 411locate.com and other people search sites bring back lots of results similar to the one about you. Adopt a ton of dogs and cats from shelters, and name them all after you. Then give them up for adoption over Craigslist in a few areas away from you to narcissistic 20-somethings, who will no doubt make social media profiles for them. You could even mandate that as part of the adoption process. Fill up your stalker's searches with pets and give them some
fluffy frustration. You could even change your profile picture to another dog to camouflage yourself. This will definitely get them off your tail.

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